Without You
by xImperfectlyX
Summary: A broken heart can take someone a long way down the wrong path. Who will be the next victim? HoroRen, dedicated to someone special.


Please be nice this is my first fanfiction.

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Without You 

It's been a year since Ren has seen Horo, that stupid baka. He hasn't talked to him in so long. Horo didn't know how much pain Ren was going through. Ren had a few girlfriends but he still could never forget about that certain ainu. The way he smiled. The way he laughed. Horo was perfect. And Ren knew it. Whenever Ren tried to fall in love with someone else he'd always think 'She'll never be like Horo' He always thought 'Why can't I just be normal and just forget about him?' He tried to throw out every little memory he had of him… but he wasn't strong enough to let them go. Every night Ren would cry, thinking about him. He wished he had never met that stupid ainu, he wished he never met Horo! He caused him so much pain he couldn't take it. He thought about suicide many times. But he just couldn't stand not being able to see Horo smile ever again. Horo would always hang out with his friend Hao, seeing him with Hao torn him apart. It took Ren 5 months just to get a strong relationship with Horo and it took him 2 days to get that strong of a relationship with Hao! Horo said that Ren was only nice to him when he was mad at him. He said that he hated it when he punched him. " Why couldn't Horo just tell me? I can't read his mind. If he didn't want me to do something he should've just told me. I would've changed… I would've changed just for him." Ren whispered. It was 2 am and he couldn't sleep, all he could think about was Horo.

"Hao won, again. He always does. What Hao wants Hao gets. It didn't matter how I feel. Hao liked Horo. But I love Horo. I need him. He is my purpose in life, my reason for living! Without him I am nothing but an empty shell. Without him I can't go on!" Ren said to himself. "Dammit! I have become so weak? I don't need love! I don't need that stupid Horo!" Ren yelled. But he knew he was wrong. He did need Horo, no matter what. Ren wrote a note for Horo and he got Yoh to bring it to him in the morning. Ren picked up a knife. He gripped it tightly. He didn't want to live like this. He didn't care if he never saw Horo again! When he saw him he just felt pain. Endless pain. He was ending it now. He felt no pain as he stabbed himself because he was numb.

The next morning Jun found Ren's body lying on the bathroom floor. He had something in his hand. It was a letter, it said:

_Dear Jun,_

_I will miss you a lot but I can't stand this pain anymore. I am much happier now than I have ever been. Please don't cry._

_Love Ren_

Jun cried as she held Ren's lifeless body.

………………………….

Yoh went to Horo's house at 10 am.

Horo answered the door.

"Whats up Yoh?" He asked

"Someone told me to give you this. It's really important, so you have to read it okay. It's really important." He said seriously

"Okay."

"Well see ya." Yoh said as he left

"Bye."

Horo opened the note. I was stained with some blood but he could still read it. It said:

_Dear Horo,_

_I wish you told me what was wrong instead of pretending everything was all right. You never told me how you felt and suddenly it was all over. I never felt so much pain in my entire life. Seeing you with Hao tore me apart. I know I didn't seem to mind. But that was only because I was hiding behind a mask. I spend everyday thinking about you. I try to forget about you but it never works. Everyone tells me I should get over you. Just move on and get you out of my head…but I can't. Because you made me feel happy. You made me realize that sometimes you just had to try and enjoy life. I couldn't stand being without you. I became numb. I don't care about anything else… But you. Horokeu Usui I love you. I only wish you felt the same. Now this is good-bye. I made up my mind. I have committed suicide. Now I don't have to live with this pain. _

_Love always: Ren_

Horo couldn't believe this. He wouldn't believe it! Ren was just playing a joke on him. His eyes started watering up. 'Ren' that's all he could think about. Horo ran out the door and started running towards Ren's house. Hoping that Ren was just playing a mean joke on him. When Horo got to Ren's house he was nervous to knock on the door. He knew what Ren's father was like. The thought of En made him shiver, Right now Horo didn't really care what En was like though. All he wanted to do was see Ren. No matter how crazy his family was. Horo went up the stairs and knocked on the door.

A girl with green hair opened the door.

"H-how may I help you?" she asked still crying or her brothers loss

"Uh hi. My name is Horo. I'm one of Ren's classmates I-" Horo was cut-off

"You wish to see Ren don't you."

"Well I was kinda wondering if I could talk to him for a few minutes…"he said nervously

"I'm sorry but he's gone." She said in a low tone

"N-nani! But How? WHY?" He asked desperately

"I don't know why, this morning I found him in the bathroom lying on the floor, dead. He had a knife in one hand, and a note in the other." She said handing him the note

"H-he's really gone…"

"Yeah, but he is much happier like this. He was suffering too much. He started acting weird in April. he started acting very depressed. He couldn't feel pain. He was numb. He would sometimes mutter things in his sleep like: You were my reason, my hope, and now that I don't have you I am nothing. I wish I know what drove him to suicide." Jun said

Horo felt tears rising

"I know what…" Horo stuttered

"You do! What!" She asked

"I-it was me. We became really good friends, but I was sick of his bad temper and I never told him. And one day I just started hating him. He didn't know what he did wrong. I am so sorry Jun. I never knew this would happen." Horo cried

"Its alright. You never knew right. So it's not your fault. Anyways if he's happier like this than I'm going to be happy for him."

"Y-yeah I guess but its all my fault! I should've told him what was wrong. I shouldn't have kept it locked inside. I told him he was the nicest person I knew…now he's probably thinking 'Some way to treat the nicest person you know.' I'm such an idiot! I knew that Ren was always depressed! Dammit! I should have seen the signs! The cuts on his arms, writing poems! I had to be such an idiot! He even told me once he was thinking about suicide. But I never believed him until this day. "

Horo walked home, still shocked that Ren was gone. "Even though you had a bad temper Ren, you were still kind hearted. You may be arrogant and cold sometimes but you were very loyal and caring, and that's why I love you. I love you Tao Ren" Horo whispered softly as tears rolled down his cheek.

If _you love someone, let them go. If they come back, than they were always yours. If they never return, than it was never meant to be._

End


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